Just A Glimpse Within

I was born hearing impaired, and my family didn’t really get things diagnosed correctly until I was three. However at 19, I was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosis. I was still able to see normally with corrective lens. My life continued as usual schooling, biking, and driving. I worked various jobs, and eventually landed a coding position at the post office. My career involvement with the postal service includes a total of 16 years.

In 1999, I start having severe problems with my vision. I started
walking into people, things, and having periods of blackouts. It
seemed as if my vision switch was constantly being cut-off for periods of time. These episodes left me worried, frighten, and confused. Eventually, I went to the doctor and learned that a significant percentage of my vision was lost. My activities became extremely limited, no more driving my kids to school, nor could I ride my brand new bicycle in this state.

Eventually, I could no longer effectively do my job at the post office, because it became too difficult for me to read the zip codes on mail. The company’s doctor recommended taking a medical early retirement with counseling. Through counseling, I learned and became affiliated with the Nebraska Commission for the Blind and Vision Impaired. However, internally I felt stuck, isolated, afraid, and depressed. My fear and anxiety was so intense that panic attacks began to take place. I didn’t think my sight had changed this radically! Everything seemed dark, and I felt so alone because I was deaf and becoming blind. I didn’t want the door to the bathroom closed, nor could I ride an elevator without panicking due to the feeling of being closed-in or trapped. Sleeping in my own bed with the lights off sometime left me feeling confined. I guess I felt like being blind and deaf meant losing my independence, or becoming an invalid needing someone to always take care of you.

My road to a new life began when I was given the opportunity of home counseling. My home counseling session opened the door to a new life through braille, cane traveling, and hand-and-hand signing. Truly, I began to see things differently through much encouragement and support. Initially, I needed people around me. I had to talk with someone to reassure me that I wasn’t alone. Eventually, I came to Lincoln to acquire skills that will allow me to live independently. I’ve always done things on my own, and I want to continue to grow and learn. Home Management, Traveling, Woodshop, Braille, and computer class have helped shape my tomorrows in so many ways. Home management, traveling, and computer class have been my most difficult tasks. For example, working around a hot stove made me very uncomfortable when functioning in a home setting. My deaf and blindness are very important parts of the equation when I travel, because I can’t hear the sounds associated with the commotion of travelers in traffic, nor can I see to effectively read the signs or signals which promote safety. However, cane traveling with a compass allows me to move independently, while having a general idea about my direction as I travel. Initially in computer class, having to hand-to-hand sign caused me to forget the task assigned. This problem was easily corrected when I was given notes about the current assignment. These three classes have challenged my being, but with much encouragement from others my self-confidence now tells me I can do all things if I put my mind to it!

Today I can say just thinking about my granddaughter, or something positive when performing various things decrease my anxiety level. My panic attacks are few and far between as I complete various task with my newly forming I can attitude. Braille and woodshop are my favorite classes. They make me want to do more, and go farther by enhancing my skills. Braille allows me to relax my eyes while I learn. Woodshop allows me to revisit a hobby that my husband and I did together. We once made a table together. Now I know you don’t have to be sighted to pursue your passion. Finally, I’m left saying thank you for taking what I once thought was the end of my independence by showing me I was only starting a new beginning.

A beginning that tells me that I can still keep my house clean, cook, and go at my convenience (with or without my family). Most of all, my new beginning allows me the opportunity to continue working. My husband and I have started our own home-based business where I’m the Operational Manager. Truly, I know that I can today! I refuse to sit back and be miserable! I don’t have to give up! I can and I will continue to overcome my challenges by facing them head-on one day at a time. I feel confident telling others facing similar situations that it’s hard, but we can have happiness with some perseverance. Blind and deafness isn’t the end of you! It might just be the beginning of a new life in which you can find happiness if you up for the challenge.

Fatos Floyd, CRC
NCBVI
Director of Orientation Center
402-471-8120